As in my previous blog post, I talked about what appears to be a lack of good men out there. Women of faith in particular, are often discouraged and disheartened at the lack of great Catholic men, men of faith. We get told that “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” We get told, “your standards are too high and if you don’t start dating now you will be alone forever.” “It’s about time you start dating, just put yourself out there.” While intentions may be good, I think that is the wrong way of looking at it.
I know many women desire to get married and have their own families. Some may even have an ideal plan for their lives and an age where they hope they will have achieved all of that. An important thing to recognise is that we should not make an idol out of these ideals, out of our plans for ourselves and even our vocations God calls us to. We should not see our vocations as something that is going to complete us or fill a certain emptiness. The only One that can truly satisfy and fill our needs is our God. Jason Evert said in one of his talks that our hope cannot be found in another person or in our vocation, but only in God. We need to be able to go to God in our “alone-ness,” for it is only with Him that we can have true joy.
While it may seem that there aren’t many great and holy men, we should not be disheartened. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t any great men out there. Nor does it mean we should settle and lower our standards. As women, we should also know what we want, and more importantly what we need in order to work towards attaining heaven. Women need to know that we must be respected, cherished, protected and pursued. While we are on the lookout and searching for great holy men, may we also work on ourselves and discover our true identities and beings. This can only be achieved through the grace of God. It might be a good time to pray about the non-negotiable traits you look for, and ask God to place realistic desires and standards on your heart (read Rin’s post on non-negotiables).
Emily Wilson in one of her videos, talks about how she is going to raise her son as a holy and virtuous man as there is a lack of them in the world. With discerning if she was to marry her now husband she asked herself the question if God were to give her a son in the future if she would like her son to be like him. And that was a big indicator, the fact that she would like her son to become a man like him. She knew that he was the type of father and role model she would like for her future children. That to me, is so beautiful. A man’s character, his values, his virtues are big indicators of the type of man he will be and even the type of children he will raise.
Real men know how to be men while still upholding the value of women. They know that women need to be pursued, but he too, needs to live by his faith and prioritise God in his life. And this should start now.
While femininity is being focused on and fought for, masculinity is being trampled upon and is becoming more and more lost, getting further and further away from the truth. Let us not be disheartened by the lack of holy men, but instead continue praying for more to recognise their true identities as sons of God. So many men and women need to know that God is merciful, that God can transform them, that there is still hope. Let us keep praying not only for our own identities as women, but also pray for the restoration of the masculine genius too. Let us uphold the dignity and identities of both men and women without detracting and taking anything away from the other. Let us build each other up and lead more people to the truth. The more we seek God and get to know Him through prayer, the sacraments and the scripture, the more great holy men and women can be found, and the more the world can heal and be restored.
Evert says in finding 'the one', we need to become 'the one'. Instead of asking “where is the perfect person” we should ask, “how do I grow into perfection?”
janz.
*Jason Evert’s talk “Is He/She the One?” at the Love Life Virtual Conference is available to watch if you purchase a pass here.
Read “where did all the good guys go? (part I) here.
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