“There aren’t any great guys out there.”
“There are no good guys.”
We hear such statements so often these days and I have to admit that I am guilty of saying the same thing. Whatever happened to good and holy men? What happened to having intentionality and clarity, purpose and conviction? Whatever happened to guys who know women are to be respected, protected, cherished and pursued?
Why do you think that’s the case?
Just as there can be toxic femininity, there is also toxic masculinity. A consequence of the fall back in the Garden of Eden is the distortion in the identity of men and women. We need to go back to our roots, and find the reality of who we are, and who God intended us to be before original sin.
Not to generalise and say all men are the same - I know that there are some great virtuous guys out there, though they may be fewer than the majority. But I do know there is still hope.
Sister Miriam Heidland said in a talk, the crisis we are forced to face today is not “what does it mean to be human?”, but rather “what does it mean to be a woman?” and “what does it mean to be a man?” Too many are confused and don’t actually know who they really are! The world desperately needs healing, restoration and this can only happen through knowing our true identities through Christ.
We’ve talked a lot about the feminine genius here on the blog, but today I’d like to focus a little more on the masculine genius. In a talk by Dr Bob Schuchts, he says that the word ‘male’ actually comes from the Hebrew word meaning ‘to remember’. Men are meant to remember God in every action, in every moment and every decision. Ultimately men are meant to love like God loves, and to remember their image and likeness in God. Schuchts says in the Bible men were chosen to renew covenants and fulfil God’s promises - think of Abraham, David, and Solomon, just to name a few. Though they were imperfect, made their mistakes, and at times strayed from God - they eventually followed His will and fulfilled their purposes and missions. And this is what we remember them for, what they did through God and not their mistakes. Our mistakes don’t define us. God’s mercy is always greater than any of our failures.
One the best examples of the masculine genius (apart from Jesus) is St Joseph. A man of honour, obedience, dignity, holiness and virtue. He is a beautiful example of what it really means to be a man. Schuchts says that St Joseph shows us what it means to love selflessly, to nourish, protect and bless - what every man is called to and is capable of through God. St Joesph complemented Mary’s qualities and together they followed the will of God. They lived their lives led by the Holy Spirit and loved wholeheartedly. And this is what the world lacks. We’ve lost our true identities, we are confused and contradict our very beings, our calls, and what we’ve been created for. That’s why there is so much brokenness in the world, family life, marriage, relationships and culture.
To be a man in today’s society means engaging in the hookup culture, talking and acting in a certain way. Too many times do we see misguided authority and power, men using women, laziness, indecisiveness and men lacking the qualities of leaders and of true masculinity and fatherhood.
I don’t know if many guys read the blog, but I want them to know that hope is not lost. We need to change our language and the way we talk about men. Let us stop talking down on them and instead encourage them to be better, to step up and to grow in virtue and faith. Let us pray that God and the Holy Spirit may reveal to us who we truly are, how we are being called to change and how we can truly live by the Truth. I pray that all guys have the courage, perseverance and faith to become true sons of God, to become real men of God, because the world needs you. We need you to remember who you really are. The masculine genius (like the feminine genius) should not be toxic, but should rather uphold and value the dignity of every single person.
janz.
* Sister Miriam Heiland’s talk “For Such a Time as This” at the Virtual Catholic Conference is available to watch if you purchase a pass here.
* Dr Bob Schucht’s talk “Restoring Gender Distortions” at the Theology of the Body Virtual Conference is available to watch if you purchase a pass here.
Read “where did all the good guys go? (part II) here.
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