As a woman in this society, it’s hard enough to live up to the ideals of this world.
As women, we continually feel this need to better ourselves, to compare ourselves and ultimately, to be loved. As a Catholic woman, I sometimes feel an insecurity amongst other Catholic women. I see so many beautiful women around me who are so pure, so humble and so virtuous.
The stereotype of Catholic women can be portrayed as clean cut and almost flawless - “the good girl”. Funnily enough, most attributes are positive and virtuous. Yet society scoffs and scorns over this, casting a negative and sarcastic light over this image.
Being part of the by esther community, I have met so many incredible and inspiring women who embrace their own feminine genius. It is truly the authenticity of their identity and reflection of God’s own image that gives them a pure light and beauty. They are radiant and aglow with the Holy Spirit, they possess intelligent and brilliant minds, they create wonders with their hands and bring light and life in using their gifts. They are strong women, women of faith, with hearts that burn for truth and beauty. They have a desire to be known, truly known through and through - not by face value, but by their hearts. Their sensitivity brings hearts together and consoles and strengthens those they meet. They have hearts so big, so sensitive and so pure that yearn to know, to give, to receive and to be loved. Women chase after perfection, they want it, they try to attain this, they try to be this. It’s no wonder why, when the reason and truth is written in their hearts.
At times my heart aches, my soul cries and my body longs for love to fill this void. I know I am not perfect. I sometimes don’t feel worthy. I want to be loved. I want to be someone of value. As a Catholic woman, I admit that I sometimes feel pressure to be as good as my other sisters of such virtue. At times, I feel so far off the mark. I worry about being a hypocrite. I feel afraid that I’m not living as I could be. I recently listened to the Corona of Thorns podcast (Wednesday of the 11th Week of OT) and Fr. Peter made some really good points.
Oftentimes, I get caught up in trying to come across as holy rather than to be holy. I worry so much about how others view me and if I am being portrayed in a good light.
Living in such a way that I become so focused on gaining others admiration or living by other people’s standards is tiring.
I admit that I can often paint an image of myself and for the most part, I always try to show that I’ve got my life together. But God sees reality as it really is. He sees me as I really am.
Fr. Peter said this “Lord I can’t hide from you, but I can hide from myself… show me who I am”. These words really stayed with me and I took this to adoration. I’m human. I make mistakes all the time, I don’t always make the right choices. I try and sometimes I feel like a failure. I don’t always understand everything. I make attempts at my goals and don’t always succeed.
As a Catholic woman, I don’t want to portray myself as perfect. Sometimes I feel like I am expected to be. As nice as it is to be complimented or to be seen in a particular way, I sometimes become anxious over my own image and get caught up in how others perceive me. At the end of the day, I want to be a reflection of Christ and I look to Our Lady and Mother as the perfect model and guide. I want to be the person that Christ sees in me. I want Christ to show me who I really am because in Him I know I am precious, I have value and I am loved. This is something I want to work on and keep in my mind and in my heart.
There are so many inspiring women out there, role models and reflections of light. This post is just me being honest about some of the pressures that I face. I love being Catholic, I love being a woman. But it’s not always easy as you know.
Lord, I lift up my struggles, my insecurities, the pressures and anxieties that distract me from you. I pray for my sisters that they may always know how loved they are and who they are in Christ. Help me to love. Show me who I am.
Love and prayers,
rin.
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