I gave my heart away once and let’s just say I didn’t want to give it again after this. I was so afraid to trust. I longed for a safe place, a refuge. I wanted security and a sure guarantee. I was really searching. The load I carried was heavy and oftentimes, the weight of it crushed me. I was walking around aimlessly in circles, exhausted and run down. I could not find a place to rest at night, my thoughts consumed me.
Lay down your burdens.
I was wrestling with the same thoughts in my mind. I felt like a sinner. I felt isolated, like no one would understand me, no one would want me and no one could accept me. It was easier to keep a distance knowing you could never get too close or attached. My fear of disappointment only fueled my distrust.
I was desolate, alone in this barren desert. I stopped walking in circles and fell to my knees. There in the distance, I could see it. Right in front of me. I was offered a drink and I drank from the well that quenched my thirst. He walked alongside me and carried my load.
Come follow me.
I followed despite the uncertainties. My heart at times was troubled because I was unsure of the path I was walking. It was foreign and yet it was safer than anything else I had ever walked before. My heart grew fond and I began to open my heart.
I confessed my sins over and over. I was washed and cleaned. Like gold tested in fire, the impurities came out. It was painful and difficult to withstand. But there was a new flame within me that wouldn’t give out. A light in the darkness.
My love is easy, my love is light
I was given nourishment. My mind and my body were nourished. I found strength again.
At one point I was floating. My eyes were fixed on you. Everything in life was sweet. All things were colourful and bright. There was nothing else I needed in life.
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened
These fleeting feelings subsided but your truth remained in me. But I grew weary and my restlessness only grew. I had questions and found no answer. I grew tiresome of these unanswered questions. I felt trapped in a cycle. I felt my freedom being stripped away. I wondered why I had followed ou. Where did you lead me? Why can’t I see anymore? Where was the sweetness, the peace and the joys? Why did it seem as though my heart had changed? My heart did not feel light, it was heavy and burdened. Why had you forsaken me?
I will give you rest
You carried me and held me close as I wept. You stayed with me. You waited until my heart was ready. You carried it all and took it all upon yourself. You pursued me lovingly even when I pushed away. Even when I would yell out of frustration, pull back out of mistrust, blame you for what was happening and collapse on the floor in exhaustion, you were there. You stayed during the most tumultuous of times.
I surrender.
I found my peace in you. You gave me peace that world cannot give not take away. Your love is enduring and constant.
Love and prayers,
rin.
תגובות